I wanted this to be one of the first blog posts that I did. This is because I want to tell the story and want others to see my progress to give them the confidence in themselves and see that they too can progress!
If we can rewind to even 6-7 months ago I was a completely different person to how I am now. It’s actually scary to think how much can change in such a short amount of time. Back then, I was quite possibly at my worst, mentally. I was pretty much bed bound – I did try to go work and did go a lot of days – but not without great difficulty. A normal day for me consisted of constant panicky symptoms – a racing heart, sweaty palms & a head on my shoulders which I couldn’t make sense of. Every thought that came into my head seemed scarier than the last and I just felt terrified all of the time.
My head didn’t really make sense a lot of the time and I convinced myself that there was something majorly wrong with me. Becoming increasingly withdrawn I began to feel numb, I stopped laughing – I didn’t have a proper bellyache laughing moment for such a long time – which looking back, is actually really sad. Losing my confidence, I didn’t like myself. Continuing to struggle to accept what was happening to me as well as constantly arguing with all the irrational thoughts in my head – it as truly exhausting.
I became quite depersonalised, almost feeling like I was in a trance or my own bubble, which made it difficult to communicate with people. Getting to the point where I didn’t really see the point of life anymore; I felt like a constant victim of myself. It was almost made worse that it was something that was happening in my own head because I felt like it was something I should have control over – I just went into self-pity mode and sank into a deep depression.
I became quite depersonalised, almost feeling like I was in a trance or my own bubble…
Despite all of this happening, I still continued to try and see my friends, go to work & leave the house. It was hard because the only place I felt a little bit safe was in bed. No one could judge me there & no one could see what a ‘weirdo’ I was. That’s how I used to think, it was like self-hatred. In front of other people, I put on a front. I was quite open with talking about what I was going through but there are very very few people that saw me in the midst of a panic attack or crying frustrated tears. In fact, the only person that often saw me like that was my other half, Bert. He continued to cuddle me through it all, to try and soothe me and make me feel better and he really and truly kept me going. In fairness, he didn’t really understand it – so I know he found it difficult to know whether he was doing or saying the right thing, but I didn’t really need him to say anything, just him being there was enough and I will forever be grateful for that.
Why I got anxiety I’ll never know. It started by having a panic attack one day when I was 19. I was just a normal, actually very confident 19-year-old! I was carefree & happy… It’s just one of those things, it happens, its life.
Now I’ve told the depressing bit, and I’ve never really gone into it in that much detail – It feels very exhilarating! I want to give some tips on what I’ve done to overcome my anxiety and depression. What works for someone might not work for another person, but the key is to NEVER GIVE UP! Never let even the worst of your days take you – fall down seven times, stand up 8. So without further ado, here are some things that have helped me:
Telling a family member, friend or someone you feel comfortable with what you are going through
Getting medical help from a G.P
Seeing a therapist
Taking anti-anxiety medication
Reading self-help books
Doing things that brings enjoyment such as reading or watching YouTubers.
Talking through what was happening
Changing my attitude towards myself
I read a book that really helped me and I’ve recommended it to a couple of people who love it! It’s called ‘Being Happy’ by Andrew Matthews, you can get it in popular bookshops or via Amazon.
Now I’m absolutely no doctor or therapist. Everyone is different but I’d like to get my point across that things DO get better. I know it’s the most exhausting thing in the world when you feel like there is no way out and no light at the end of the tunnel, but there is. It takes perseverance, and it’s really not easy. Some days you feel back at square one. It can be a very long process.
I hope this post has been of use to someone. If you ever feel you need a chat, drop me a message. I’m not sure if my anxiety will ever go away, but I actually don’t care anymore. I’ve learnt to enjoy life again and am growing my confidence back and that to me is worth the world.